


When I Go, Bring Me Back

by tuhressuh (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst at the beginning, Bullying, Depression, I have no idea where I'm going with this, M/M, Or who's going to be in it, Suicide, fluff in later chapters, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tuhressuh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week after Harry, the boy Louis has been bullying for years, kills himself, Louis finds himself in a whirlwind of confusing loss and guilt. He's not sure how he's supposed to carry on with his life until one day he wakes up two weeks before Harry's death. He has no idea how, but he knows it's up to him to rectify his past mistakes, come to terms with his feelings, and keep Harry alive this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sorry, Sorry for Making Your Life a Living Hell

**Author's Note:**

> The guy who used to bully me when I was younger now goes to my high school and is trying talk to me, and that inspired this fic. Not the best thing I've ever written but *shrug* I wanted to post it. Also, this chapter is stupidly short, sorry about that. 
> 
> Unbeta'd

Harry slammed into the house and stomped up the stairs, uncaring that his family might be disturbed by the sudden flurry of loud noise. It didn't matter. He had finally been able to nick an x-acto knife from his biology teacher, and he intended to use it the way he had been dreaming of for months. He was going to end his life in a few minutes. Every miserable minute of it: every time he ate lunch alone in the bathroom in fear of the cafeteria, every time Louis had shouted “fag!” at him in the hall, or threw trash at him as he walked home, or stole his clothes from his gym locker and laughed with the other boys about his “gay” underwear, everything. It would all be done with. No more teachers telling him that it’ll get better soon, or to just ignore Louis’ taunting. They didn't know what it was like, and soon he wouldn't have to listen to their high and mighty lectures anymore. He had even scribbled a note during sixth hour, telling his mother he loved her and Gemma that she will always be the most beautiful girl in the entire world and even a short apology to Louis for doing some unknown thing that was so vile that it made him hate Harry with so much fervor. 

Harry knelt on the floor next to the tub and twisted the knob over the faucet until water was gushing out, rapidly filling the tub. He ran his hand under the water, making sure it was suitably heated before standing up and removing his clothes. He grabbed the blade and sat down in the tub, water sloshing over the sides and onto the floor. He brought the x-acto knife to his left wrist and pressed hard and with intent. This was more than any simple cut. This had purpose. He dragged the blade down toward the crook of his arm, ripping open a four inch wound that immediately began to bleed profusely. Before he could change his mind, he did the same to his right wrist and closed eyes. He let himself fall under the water and into the open arms of death. He was finally free. 

*~*~*~*

It’s been a week, and Louis still can’t get the image of Harry’s body being wheeled out of the Styles’ front door covered in a white sheet out of his head. He feels guilt and nausea wash through his entire body when he sees Harry’s mom at the store, trying and failing to hide her grief from the world with a fake smile or when he’s walking home and realizes he went the entire day without seeing Harry once, and will never see him again. Louis couldn't understand it. He hated Harry..right? But if he really hated Harry, why does he feel so empty and depressed without him?

He walks through his front door, shutting it quietly behind him and goes straight to his room. It’s all he’s been doing this entire week: Wake up, fake his way through the school day, go home and sleep until the next morning. He doesn’t want to do anything else anymore. He can’t find it in himself to eat or spend time with any of his friends that abused Harry right alongside him. He knows his mom is starting to worry, but it’s just too hard with Harry’s death weighing on his conscience. 

Louis throws his backpack on the floor, flops onto the bed, and cries himself to sleep.


	2. Lunch, Part A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after Harry, the boy Louis has been bullying for years, kills himself, Louis finds himself in a whirlwind of confusing loss and guilt. He's not sure how he's supposed to carry on with his life until one day he wakes up two weeks before Harry's death. He has no idea how, but he knows it's up to him to rectify his past mistakes, come to terms with his feelings, and keep Harry alive this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little bit longer than the first chapter so yay 
> 
> I really should be doing my finals, but writing this was much more fun.
> 
> Thanks to the people who commented/left kudos on the first chapter!
> 
> Unbeta'd
> 
> (also I might add more to this chapter- I don't know. I have to decide if I want to put it in the 3rd chapter or if it belongs in this one)

When Louis’ blaring cell phone alarm wakes him up in the morning, something feels...off. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but something is different, and it’s not because of Harry this time. He rolls out of bed, ready for another awkward breakfast where his mom sadly watches him silently pick at his food, not even able to muster up the strength to fake being okay, but something falls to his feet and causes him to stop for a second. He picks it up off the floor and it’s an envelope, an envelope with his name on it in loopy script and something inside and now he’s curious because that’s not his mom’s handwriting and he has no idea how anyone could have gotten in to leave this on his bed for him. He rips it open and pulls out the folded up piece of paper. On it, in the same loopy handwriting as on the envelope, it says “Two weeks.”

Louis doesn’t even know what to think. He thought it might be something interesting or important, but instead it was just this stupid fucking cryptic message. He angrily balls up the paper, throws it at the wall, and storms downstairs without even bothering to get dressed. He doesn’t even feel like going to school today. His mom will probably take pity and let him stay home; even though she’s been pretending not to know what’s wrong with him, she has a pretty good idea of what had been plaguing him lately and would no doubt do anything if she thought it might help him feel better. Although, she was completely unaware that the real reason Louis was so distraught wasn’t because he had known Harry for years, but because he knew that it was entirely his fault that Harry had taken his life.

When he enters the kitchen, his mom and all four of his younger sisters look up from their food and stare at him from the table.

“What?” He snaps quickly and Phoebe, Daisy, and Fizzy all look down at their plates. Lottie, however, makes a face that clearly says well, someone is pms-ing and his mom seems absolutely shocked. As if she hasn’t been a first-hand witness to his behavior in the past week.

“Louis, get dressed. You have to leave soon and you still have to eat breakfast.” Jay says, giving him her best stern look.

“I’m not going today, mom. I can’t deal with another day of school this week.” He doesn’t wait for her response, just turns out of the room and heads upstairs to sleep through another day. It’s the only way he has figured out so far to deal with this.

His mom shows up at his door a few minutes later, knocking even though it’s open and they can clearly see each other.

“Sick?”

“No. Mom, you-you know what’s wrong.” Louis doesn’t understand why she’s suddenly playing dumb. It’s really not what he needs, not now.

“I’m sorry, Lou, but I really don’t. Would you mind explaining to me?”

He stares.

“Mom..Harry..when he did it I just--I--Mom, I really don’t want to talk about it.” Louis sighed, huddling under his comforter and burying his face in his pillow.

“Harry? Harry from across the street? What about him?”

And that’s when it hits him. Two weeks. Two weeks.

“Mom, what day is it?”

“I..the 21st, I think? Louis, are you okay?”

It’s the 21st. The 21st of April. Two weeks before Harry died. Two weeks. He feels tears welling up in his eyes and takes a shaky breath as he realizes that that means right now, this very moment where he is, Harry is across the street, alive. Even though he’s probably doing something totally mundane, like getting ready for school, Louis can’t help but feel overwhelmed at the idea of Harry brushing his teeth and putting his books into his backpack because that’s what alive people do.

“I--I’m fine, Mom. I’m just..gonna get dressed.”

She looks at him warily for a second, then apparently decides it’s okay to leave him alone and walks out, quietly closing the door behind her.

Louis hurries to get dressed, wiping tears from his eyes and sniffling every couple of seconds. He can’t help that he’s crying; the idea of seeing Harry again, breathing, blinking, living is just a lot for him to handle at the moment.

He rushes out the door (“Without even eating breakfast, Lou? What has gotten into you this morning?”) and even though he’s a bit late getting out, when he looks to the left, he sees it. A tall, lean body and an unmistakable mop of dark, curly hair.Too excited to think, Louis shouts “HARRY!” and take off running to catch up with him, oblivious to the fear that flashes in Harry’s eyes. Still not thinking, he throws his arms around Harry and hugs him tighter than he’s ever hugged anyone ever, even his mom.

“Um?” Harry says.

Louis doesn’t stop hugging him.

Harry simultaneously pushes Louis away and wriggles his body, effectively removing himself from Louis’ grasp. He gives Louis a half weirded out, half scared look over his shoulder and continues walking toward school, glancing back every minute or so like he’s afraid that Louis is going to try to sneak up on him from behind.

Louis sighs, watching him move forward, remembering all the times that he actually did sneak up on Harry. He feels a pang of guilt that he did this to Harry, made him scared of Louis, as if Louis was more than just a petite boy with some self image issues. In that moment, he resolves to make up everything to Harry, even if it takes the rest of his life.

*~*~*~*

Louis wastes the first two days ignoring his usual friends, opting instead to spend all his spare time staring at Harry or formulating his game plan. So far, all he knows is that he needs Harry alone. He’s not entirely sure what he’ll do after that, but he’s hoping that he’ll be able to come up with something in the moment.

On the third day, Louis makes his move. He doesn’t really plan it, but at lunch he gets to the cache early and Harry is the only one there and what if this is his only chance in the next 11 days?

So, with that in mind, he approaches as Harry is paying for his Vitamin Water and trail mix.

“Hi, Harry!” He says in his best non-threatening tone as Harry turns around after quietly thanking the parent volunteer who had handed him his change.

Harry startles slightly, gripping his food close to his chest. They stare at each other for a second, Harry looking at Louis with caution as the cache slowly fills up with people.

“Come eat outside with me?” Louis asks. He knows Harry still has every reason to say no, so he doesn’t give him the time to answer, just grabs his wrist and drags him out of the cache and against the flow of people in the hall to the the front door of the school and out into the courtyard. He leads Harry to the large, shady tree in the middle of the grass and plops down, pulling Harry onto the ground with him and silently congratulates himself for making this much progress already.

He watches as Harry looks everywhere but at him, tears open his trail mix and begins to eat all the nuts and raisins, leaving the m&ms for last. A small voice in Louis’ head whispers " _that’s cute_ ," and before when that voice showed itself, he would punch Harry or shove him or get his other friends to torment the boy, punish him for the way he was making Louis feel, but now that he knows how much of a mistake that was, he tries the opposite approach.

His brain screams at him that this is not the thing to do, what will his friends think, but then another part remembers seeing Harry being wheeled out of his house covered in a white sheet and he gestures toward the trail mix with a flop of his hand. “That’s cute. That you do that.”

Harry blinks down at his trail mix, then up to Louis, then back to his trail mix. “Eat trail mix..?”

“No--you know--saving the m&ms for last.”

“Oh. Th-Thanks.” Harry mumbles at the ground, trying (and failing) to hide the blush creeping onto his cheeks.

It’s a small victory, but Louis will take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so btw I based the school they go to in this off of my school, and the cache is like this mini cafeteria thing where parent volunteers work and you can buy better food than what's in the cafeteria. 
> 
> If you read this far I love you <3


	3. Lunch, Part B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after Harry, the boy Louis has been bullying for years, kills himself, Louis finds himself in a whirlwind of confusing loss and guilt. He's not sure how he's supposed to carry on with his life until one day he wakes up two weeks before Harry's death. He has no idea how, but he knows it's up to him to rectify his past mistakes, come to terms with his feelings, and keep Harry alive this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so basically this chapter is the events of chapter 2 from Harry's point of view. Is that a cop-out? Oh well. 
> 
> Much love to all the people who have commented/left kudos so far and I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you guys 
> 
> Unbeta'd
> 
> (also chapter 3 is dedicated to Emerald because her birthday is tomorrow and she encouraged me a lot to keep writing this)

Harry really, really, really doesn’t want to go to school. He’s been hitting snooze on his phone alarm for the past half hour, hoping that maybe if he sleeps in long enough, his mom will figure he’s sick and let him stay home. 

But of course, because he’s never had that kind of luck, his mom comes in just then, banging loudly on the door and yelling that he needs to get his ass up if he wants to make it to school on time. He sighs into his pillow, but knowing she won’t go away until he’s out of bed or believe it if he tries to fake being sick, rolls out of his bed and straight on the floor.

“Good start, now get dressed!” His mom chirps and walks out of the room to let him dress in privacy. Harry groans loud enough for her to hear from the hallway, and rises from the pile of blankets on the floor, feeling like a monster rising from a swamp.

He grabs one of his thrift store sweaters off the floor and throws it on, reveling in the comfortable warmth and pulls on a pair of skinny jeans from under his bed. He bangs down the stairs and grudgingly takes the piece of toast his mother forces into his hand before grabbing his backpack and walking out the door. When he rounds the sideyard and gets to the street, Harry throws the toast to their neighbor’s Bernese, who barks her gratitude and chows down. He continues walking toward school, shoes making scraping noises on the sidewalk and hands shoved deep into his pockets against the late-season chill in the air until he hears a familiar voice shouting his name from down the street. 

He turns on the spot and swallows hard, horror flashing through him at the sight of a boy shorter than himself running toward him, shouting his name. He braces himself for the usual punch or shove into the pavement as Louis approaches, but he’s shocked when instead of violence, Louis throws his arms around him in a rather suffocating hug. 

“Um?” Harry says eloquently. He’s in a bit of a stupor, to be honest, and Louis still hasn’t let him go. 

Harry twists himself out of Louis’ grasp and carries on walking toward the school. He cautiously checks over his shoulder every few steps to make sure Louis isn’t trying to pull anything, but he’s just standing completely still, watching Harry move forward with an unreadable expression. 

*~*~*~*

In the next few days, things get weirder. When Zayn and Niall steal his art assignment and draw dicks all over it in permanent marker, Louis isn’t in his normal place leading them. In fact, he’s nowhere to be found at all. Harry catches Louis staring at him 15 times (maybe even more. Harry really only started counting after it happened enough times to be weird.). Each time he whips around to see Louis’ unblinking cerulean eyes boring into him, he gets a little more uneasy about what Louis must be planning for him.

And finally, three days after the freaky hugging thing, the weirdest thing of all happens. Harry has ducked out of home ec a few minutes early (the benefits of being a teacher’s aide) and successfully avoided the huge, scary crowd of people that gather at the cache during lunch. He buys a Vitamin Water and a bag of trail mix and when he turns around to run back to the home ec room after receiving his change, Louis is standing right there, greeting him with a sickly sweet “Hi, Harry!”

Harry is sort of freaking out. He’s confused by the sudden change in Louis’ demeanor and the more and more people are slowly pouring into the cache and all he can do is grip the contents of his lunch close to his chest and stare at Louis. 

“Come eat outside with me?” Louis asks, and before Harry can make the excuse that he really can’t, he needs to get back to the home ec room because he’s got sooo many papers to grade, Louis is grabbing his wrist and yanking him out of the cache. They’re going the opposite direction of most of the people in the hallway, leaving Harry to awkwardly apologize to the people Louis shoves past without a word or even a glance. Louis just continues to pull Harry along until they reach one of the trees out in front of the school and gives Harry’s hand another good yank, causing him to fall onto the ground next to Louis. 

Harry shifts until he’s sitting as comfortably as he can on the hard ground and tries his best to avoid looking at Louis as he starts to eat his trail mix, like maybe if Harry ignores him he’ll just disappear. It’s sort of working, Harry isn’t looking at Louis and Louis isn’t saying anything so it’s kind of like they aren’t near each other at all, and then Louis decides to ruin it all by talking.

“That’s cute. That you do that.” 

What? What’s cute? He looks at his trail mix and then at Louis. 

“Eat trail mix..?” Is that cute? What the fuck is even happening with Louis lately?

“No--you know--saving the m&ms for last.” Oh. Harry really doesn’t know, he’s been eating his trail mix like that for so long that he doesn’t even notice it anymore. How is he even supposed to respond to that? 

“Oh. The-thanks.” Harry is embarrassed and confused and he can feel his face starting to turn that dreadful shade of red, and Louis is just sort of looking at him and it’s a lot to handle. He hangs his head, letting his bangs hide his face and pulls a few blades of grass out of the ground for something to fidget with.

*~*~*~*

The rest of lunch passed similarly, with Louis making ungraceful, stilted attempts at conversation in between long, awkward silences. When the bell finally rang to signal that lunch is over, Harry heaved a sigh of relief and rushed back inside the building to make it to 4th hour without a word to Louis. 

Harry has no idea what’s going on and he’s not entirely sure he wants to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have read this far I love you, and if you comment or leave kudos I take it as a deep personal compliment and send angels into your house to gently kiss your forehead while you sleep (◡‿◡) 
> 
> also sorry my chapters are always super short. I'm trying to work on it.


	4. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after Harry, the boy Louis has been bullying for years, kills himself, Louis finds himself in a whirlwind of confusing loss and guilt. He's not sure how he's supposed to carry on with his life until one day he wakes up two weeks before Harry's death. He has no idea how, but he knows it's up to him to rectify his past mistakes, come to terms with his feelings, and keep Harry alive this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCHOOL'S OUT AND THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY LONG COMPARED TO THE OTHER ONES SORRY SCHOOL'S OUT, THANKS TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LEFT NICE COMMENTS AND KUDOS
> 
> UNBETA'D BUT IT'S SUMMER WHO CARES

The next day, Friday, Louis comes home to his mom talking to someone on the phone in her somewhat fakey nice voice in the kitchen. He remembers from the first time he lived this day that she’s talking to Harry’s mom, inviting her family over for dinner. He also remembers from the first time he lived this day that he was so upset when he found out they were coming over that he ran upstairs to his bedroom and cried into his pillow for 45 minutes straight. 

He had just been so frustrated that she was forcing him to face everything he was hiding from without even meaning to. At home, there was no Louis who acted like a homophobic asshole because he was scared of his big fat and probably unrequited crush on another boy. There was only Loubear, who did chores and helped out with the family as much as he could. They were the two lives he lived and the idea of them colliding was terrifying. 

During dinner, he made sure to sit across from Harry and glare daggers at him whenever he did anything particularly polite or cute. He watched as Harry shyly charmed all his sisters and mother anyway, feeling increasingly powerless against the swelling in his chest and fluttering in his stomach. When his mom brought out the ice cream and cherry pie she had made, that was Louis’ breaking point. Watching Harry lick ice cream off his spoon over and over again had quickly started to affect certain aspects of his anatomy and he excused himself before it could get any worse. Louis spent the rest of the evening locked in his room with his face shoved into his pillow willing his hand to stay out of his pants as he guiltily fantasized about Harry’s mouth.

“The Styles are coming over for dinner tonight. Okay, Lou?” Jay says to Louis as he rifles through the fridge, bringing him out of his memories.  
“Sounds good. Do I need to clean anything?” He asks, despite already having a pretty good idea of what she’s going to say.

“Would you mind just tidying up the downstairs bathroom? I’ll take care of the cooking.”

“Alright.”

“Thanks, dear.”

“Yeah.”

*~*~*~*

“Harry, s’that you?” Anne calls from her office when she hears the front door open and slam shut. (No matter how many times she scolds Harry, he always slams the door. She’s given up trying to get him to stop by now.) 

“Yeah!” 

“Don’t go anywhere, ok?” Harry rolls his eyes to himself when he hears that. As if he has anywhere to go. “We’re having dinner with Jay and her kids over at their house tonight.” 

Harry’s immediate reaction is to shout “Do I have to go?” as he walks into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Despite Louis’ uncharacteristically humane behavior this week, Harry is still a bit scared of him and really doesn’t want to spend excess time around him if it can be avoided.

“Yes, you have to go! Why, do you not like the Tomlinsons?” 

“No, no, it’s not that. Just tired, you know?” Harry’s never told his mom about the way Louis treats him, and he’s not about to start now, so he chooses the easiest solution and lies about it. 

“Well, take a nap or something because I’m not letting you get out of this.” Harry sighs, but heads upstairs to take a short nap anyway. Whatever, it’s Friday and he doesn’t have to do any homework and maybe having a nap will help him feel refreshed and ready to face Louis again. 

*~*~*~*

“Harry, I’m giving you 20 minutes to be ready for dinner before we leave!” Anne shouts up the staircase and Harry groans into his pillow. Taking a nap was actually a really good idea (thanks, mom) and now he doesn’t want to get up. “Seriously, Harry! We’re going to go in 20 minutes whether you’re ready or not!” She shouts again. 

“Okay!” He shouts back to let her know he’s awake and to let him get dressed. Still laying in his bed, he pulls off the tee shirt and jeans he slept in and throws them across the room into his hamper. He lays still for a second, gathering his strength, then pushes himself out of bed. He pulls on a pair of skinny jeans and striped gray and white sweater, then pulls his bangs over to one side. He never really took a long time to get ready. 

Harry walks down the stairs to where his mom is standing at the bottom, prepared to yell at him some more if he didn’t get up in good time. 

She looks up from her iPhone when she hears his heavy footsteps get near and smiles. “Oh, you look so cute! Why don’t you go grab the wine that’s sitting on the table and we’ll head over a few minutes early.” 

“Alright.” Harry walks into the kitchen and grabs the bottle of -pretty damn pricey, wow- wine of the counter. His mom must really want to treat Jay to something nice, and he can’t blame her. Jay deserves nice things, raising all those kids by herself. 

They walk across the street, Harry reaching the Tomlinson’s front door first. He rings the doorbell and Louis throws open the front door a few seconds later. 

“Hi, Louis! Is your mom in the kitchen?” Anne asks, stepping up next to Harry. Louis nods silently, his eyes glued to Harry, who looks absolutely delectable (he sort of hates how girly he felt thinking that, but there’s really no other word for how Harry looks in that sweater). Anne lifts the wine out of Harry’s hand and walks past them to where Jay is, seemingly unaware of the way Louis is currently eye-fucking her only son. 

“Ummm..Can I come in, too?” Harry asks, blushing slightly. It seems like Louis’ streak of weird behavior still isn’t over. 

“Oh! Um, yeah--you can--just--yeah.” Louis stutters out awkwardly, moving out of the doorway to let Harry in and shutting the door behind him. I was definitely not this awkward last time, he thinks, following Harry to the kitchen where their moms are talking. But then again, did Harry really look this good last time? 

*~*~*~*

“Do you want some potatoes?” 

“Yes, please, Harry!”

Louis watches as Harry, sitting with Daisy and Phoebe on either side of him, spoons servings on mashed potatoes onto their plates much to their delight (if their giggle are anything to go by) and tries his best not to sigh dreamily at Harry and the adorable sight before him. The twins hadn’t given him a choice, really, the second they saw him they decided to monopolize the seats on both sides of him (Louis can’t blame them). He didn’t seem at all bothered though, just acted fascinated by the conversations they engaged him in and helped them with their food. He even cut up Daisy’s chicken into little pieces for her to eat when she asked him to and Louis had to look away to keep himself from actually cooing. 

By the time everyone had finished eating and was ready for dessert, Jay and Anne had been really enjoying the wine and were quite a bit more giggly than an hour ago. 

“I should get the ice cream and pie out,” Jay says breathlessly between giggles, not making any move to stand up and bring the dessert out.

“You know what, mom, I think I’ll get it, okay?” Louis says, standing and putting a hand on his mom’s arm. She just smiles up and pats his hand. 

“And Harry, give him a hand!” Anne adds as Louis starts to gather everyone’s plates. 

“Oh--no, I got it--really--” Louis tries, but Harry just smiles politely and picks up his own and the twins’ plates and follows him into the kitchen. 

They load up the dishwasher, and are getting 9 plates of ice cream and pie ready when from the dining room, Anne shouts “And no kissing in there, you two!” 

Oh, God. Anne had definitely seen the way Louis was looking at Harry earlier. Everyone starts laughing, except for Harry and Louis who just look at each other across the kitchen island. Harry is beet red. 

“Let’s just bring these out, yeah?” Louis asks quietly. Harry nods and carries a few plates out into the dining room. Louis grabs a couple more of the plates and follows him, setting them in front of Jay and Anne, who both thank him loudly. 

Watching Harry eat dessert has the same effect on Louis that it did the first time (surprise, surprise). The usually adorable teen becomes near pornographic, licking ice cream off his spoon and actually moaning when he takes a bite of the pie, gratuitously complimenting Jay. She blushes and giggles her thanks, which, ew, Louis thinks, he’s sixteen, mom. Lottie and Fizzy look a little freaked out too, while the twins are preoccupied with Harry’s hair and oblivious to everything else around. 

“You know what, I think it’s time we put this away. Thank you very much for coming, Anne, Harry.” Louis reaches across the table and picks up the wine as well as their empty glasses and carries them into the kitchen where he dumps their glasses down the sink and puts the wine on the highest shelf he can reach. When he gets back to the dining room, Lottie’s gone back upstairs and Fizzy, Harry, and the twins are working on clearing off the table and their moms are nowhere to be found. 

Louis grabs his plate and the one remaining platter on the table and follows them back into the kitchen. 

As they’re waiting behind the girls for their chance to put their loads in the dishwasher, Harry leans down and whispers “I am sooo fucking sorry about my mom,” into Louis’ ear, whose breath hitches slightly. 

“I-it’s fine. Do you know where they went, by any chance?” Louis whispers back, trying his best to keep cool and not think about Harry licking vanilla ice cream off his bottom lip. 

“I think they went upstairs to look at old yearbooks. They sounded like they were talking about feathered hair when they left.” 

Louis puts his plate and the platter in the dishwasher and then turns to take what Harry’s holding out of his hands and put it in too. He closes the dishwasher and presses the button to get it started then stands and leans against it, Harry leaning against the island across from him. Fizzy and the twins left a few minutes earlier, leaving Harry and Louis all alone in the confined space of the kitchen. 

“So..” Louis says after a few minutes of prolonged silence with occasional shrieks of laughter from upstairs.

“Why are you acting so weird?” Harry blurts, then looks down guiltily. “Shit, sorry, I just--”

“No, no, I get it. It’s just, like,” Shit. Louis doesn’t really have a plan for this, explaining to Harry. “You’re..just..you’re really..” Louis sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “You’re really cute, you know?”

“No, I don’t think I know.” Harry sounds a bit pissed, and he is. He thinks back to earlier in the week when Louis had called him cute with some degree of confidence, and all it had done was embarrass him because he could just pass it off as Louis' normal teasing. But now it’s happening again and Louis just seems so sincere that it’s kind of pissing Harry off. All this time, Louis was actually doing some fucked up version of pulling his pigtails? 

“And--and I’m so scared, fuck, Harry, I’m so scared of how this feels. I thought making you scared would help, and then nobody would suspect a thing, but fuck. I was starting to hate myself so much for everything, I just want--I just want to make it up to you.” Louis didn’t mean for the word-flood to spill out, but it does anyway and he’s surprised by how little he had to lie, pretty much just leaving out the part about Harry dying and mysterious time travel. If being somewhat aggressively nice didn't work on Harry, maybe the truth would. He shrugs and dares to finally look at Harry who appears angry, but also like he’s fighting tears and it’s sort of heartbreaking. 

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but then Anne comes into the kitchen announcing that it’s time for them to go and that dinner was incredible, thanks. Harry follows her out of the kitchen and into the entryway, giving Louis one last unreadable glance over his shoulder before they leave for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this I LOVE YOU OKAY 
> 
> Comments/Kudos are love thx babies :*


	5. Skipping School, Part A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after Harry, the boy Louis has been bullying for years, kills himself, Louis finds himself in a whirlwind of confusing loss and guilt. He's not sure how he's supposed to carry on with his life until one day he wakes up two weeks before Harry's death. He has no idea how, but he knows it's up to him to rectify his past mistakes, come to terms with his feelings, and keep Harry alive this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I kind of had one chapter planned but then it got kinda long and I wanted to update so I split it, and this is the first part. Thanks to all the lovely people who are reading and commenting/leaving kudos! It really motivates me to keep writing!

So, Saturday pretty much sucks. Louis spends the entire day locked in his room, sitting at his desk, and actually doing his homework for once. It’s horrible, but he needs something to occupy his mind that isn’t Harry. (It doesn’t work, really. He still gets restless every once in a while, his leg shaking his desk too much for him to write, and when that happens he stands and pulls the curtain aside to look across the street at Harry’s house. Which is dumb, because it’s not like he can see anything.) 

Then on Sunday, with no more homework to do, Louis ventures downstairs and...bakes. He’s always loved to do it (in secret, of course. There’s no way he’d be able to tell Zayn and Niall while simultaneously keeping up his macho straight guy act.) and he needs something to busy himself with for the rest of the day. Louis knows that if he’s not doing anything, he’ll sit and wallow and freak himself out about Harry and that’s really not what he needs at the moment. So, he breaks out an apron and The Complete Baking Cookbook and gets to work drowning his feelings in delicious and equally fattening treats. 

*~*~*~*

“Things were going totally fine, we were getting along civilly and then, out of nowhere, he fucking called me cute. Cute, Liam. And not for the first time! I don’t know what he’s doing, but it’s sort of worrying me.” 

From the other end of the line, Harry can practically hear Liam’s thoughtful expression. He’s so glad that last night when he was aimlessly playing with his phone he stumbled across Liam, his older sister’s friend and generally experienced gay guy, in his contacts. Harry called as soon as he saw the number and unloaded all his Louis woes to Liam, who, being the nice person he is, was happy to listen and give advice despite it being 11 pm on a Sunday. 

“Harry, what if he’s not up to anything? Like, what if he’s being completely honest with all of this?” Harry stops his pacing and sits on his bed. 

“What?”

“Just, listening to everything you told me, it-it kind of seems like maybe he’s not trying to pull something? I mean, you said he’s not hanging out with his normal friends and he’s staring at you and he called you cute multiple--”

“--Twice isn’t really multiple, Li--”

“Shush! Listen to me! He called you cute multiple times! And he basically broke down to you the other night! Harry, it sounds like he’s actually trying to tell you something, and that something is that he likes you, has liked you for a while, and he can finally tell you now that he’s past his Big Gay Freakout!”

“Big Gay Freakout?”

“Yeah, like, didn’t he tell you that the reason he was being so awful was because he was scared of how he felt?”

“Yeah..?”

“That was his Big Gay Freakout. You were the one who made him question his sexuality, so he thought being an asshole to you would prove to everyone, including himself, that he could never have feelings for you. And then, for some reason, he grew up a little and accepted that this is a part of him that he can’t change and that you’re totally cute. And now he’s trying to make everything up to you so he can hold your hand and give you blowjobs or whatever.” 

Harry felt his cheeks go red at that. “D-do you really think so?”

“I know so. The only question is, are you going to accept his advances?” 

“I--I don’t know..I mean..if you ignore the douchey behavior, he is kinda hot..”

“If he knocked on your front door right now and asked you out, what would you say?”

“I--I guess I would say yes..?”

“Exactly. Accept his apology, and then who knows. Something great might come out of it.” 

“Thanks, Liam.”

“No problem, Harry. Keep me posted, okay?”

“Okay. Night.”

“Goodnight.”

Harry lets himself fall backward on his bed and tosses his phone to the side. Everything Liam said made sense and he was the one with guy experience, but Harry can still feel bubbles of apprehension in his stomach as he lays down and tries to get some sleep. 

*~*~*~*

“Harry! Hey, Harry!” Harry sighs, but stops walking anyway to let Louis run and catch up to him. He’s reminded of last Monday, the first day Louis started acting really weird and had tackle-hugged him right on this stretch of sidewalk. He really hopes that doesn’t happen again. 

“Ha,” Louis pants as he approaches Harry, brandishing some plastic wrapped parcel, “I made like,” He takes another deep breath, “60 cookies yesterday.” He holds the package out toward Harry with one hand and waves it around. “Here, take some.” 

“Oh. Uh, thanks, Louis.” Harry takes the package and now he realizes it’s like 20 chocolate chip cookies wrapped in plastic fastened shut with a ribbon. 

“Yeah,” Louis waves his hand in dismissal, still panting slightly. He starts walking, motioning for Harry to walk by his side. “I really wanted to apologize about Friday, by the way. I’m really sorry. I don’t normally let people see me like that, you know?”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine, I guess. I dunno, I just got kinda pissed that I couldn’t just act like you were fucking with me anymore.” Harry nods, swinging his backpack off of one shoulder so he can pull it in front of him and put the package of cookies inside as he walks next to Louis. 

“I’m not fucking with you, you know. I never was. I actually do think you’re cute. And I sorta realized that I’d much rather be honest with you and keep you around than have to be a dick to you so I can keep some fake assholes around.” 

“Thanks, Louis. I really..I’m really glad you decided to change. I honestly don’t know how much longer I would have been able to live if you hadn’t.” 

Louis almost trips over his own feet when he hears that because he knows exactly how much longer Harry was able to live when Louis hadn’t bothered to change, but he manages to stay upright and keep walking with as close to a straight face as he can manage. Harry doesn’t seem to have noticed his little episode, eyes still set on the school as they approach. 

And suddenly, Louis gets what might be the best (or worst, considering the fact that he’s finally finished all of his weekend homework for once) idea of his life.

“Let’s skip school.” 

“What? Louis, you are so random.” He sounds slightly exasperated, but also a little fond, so Louis thinks he’s on the right path. 

“You heard me. Let’s just like..take a day to get away from everything and just hang out, you know? Just us?” Harry still looks a little reluctant, so Louis offers his hand out to Harry.

It takes only a few seconds for Harry to recall his conversation with Liam last night. He remembers what he said, that he would totally say yes if Louis had asked him out, and that’s totally what’s happening right now, isn’t it? 

“Yeah. Sure.” Louis smiles as Harry takes his hand.

“Awesome.” Louis gives Harry’s fingers a reassuring squeeze as he leads him past the school and towards Downtown, listing all the great, totally cliche things they’re going to do all day. Harry can’t help but smile back, thinking about how great this Louis is, this Louis who told Harry his feelings and called him cute and bakes cookies and is actually pretty hot now that his looks aren’t overshadowed by him acting like a dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk this isn't very good sorry but thank you for reading anyway!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooow ahhh please don't murder me ;___; 
> 
> basically i got really unsure of myself and started freaking out bc there's all these people reading with expectations and what if you don't like what i post until my friend slapped me in the face and told me to post because all you lovelies have been waiting for so long 
> 
> so pretty much
> 
> I'm really sorry, and you guys are great

     Harry meets a similar fate when he gets home, his mom already sitting on the stairs, ready to confront him.

 

    They stare at each other for a second; Harry’s eyes wide in fear because he knows _exactly_ what this is about and Anne’s eyes narrowed into her most threatening look.

 

    “Oh, hey, mom..” He laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

 

    “You know, I just got off the phone with Jay.”

 

    Shit. Louis’ mom definitely told her, what other reason would she have to call his mom? Still, he plays dumb, acting like there’s absolutely no way he could ever do something so abbhorant as skipping school.

 

    “Oh, yeah? What, uh, was she calling about?”

 

    “Just telling me about the fun day you had Downtown,” the sarcasm in her voice lets him know he’s in for something bad and he swallows anxiously. “With your...boyfriend?” Oh, Jesus. Harry knows he should be worrying about what kind of punishment is about to be dealt out to him, but butterflies are flitting wildly around his stomach because she said _boyfriend_ , which means Jay said _boyfriend_ , which means that Louis said _boyfriend._

 

    “Uh, yeah..” He tries to sound guilty, but it’s hard when the word “boyfriend” is bouncing around his skull.

 

    “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised,” she sighs. “But skipping school is completely unacceptable behavior.”

 

    “Sorry?” He’s supposed to say sorry here, right? He thinks so, but he can’t honestly say he’s really been listening to what she’s been saying because BOYFRIEND.

 

    “Well, it’s great that you’re sorry, but I’m going to have to ground you, Harry.” Before he can even try to defend himself, she cuts him off and sticks a finger in his face. “Two weeks.”

 

    She stands up then and he sighs, watching her make her way up the stairs. Before she reaches the top, though, she turns around and looks down at Harry. She cracks the tiniest smile. “You know, I was sort of worried I’d never have to ground you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anybody still read this??? Idk
> 
> I hope you aren't disappointed THIS IS SO SHORT PLS DON'T KILL ME D:


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